Monday, July 7, 2014

Focus Points

I'm coming out of my silence. Hello, modeling blog! My adventures have been spreading out farther and farther apart. I had my first photoshoot in a month or so the other day with a new photographer who was travelling to California for the first time. It went well! I wish I had photos to share, but, not yet. 
I've been feeling a little burnt out on modeling - not because of lack of enjoyment, but it is such hard work. I'm not reliant on my modeling for all of my income, but it does make up a large chunk. I haven't been getting the work I require, though I feel I'm putting myself out there as best I can. To be honest, I'm just an ordinary girl with scars, stretchmarks, acne and a bad tattoo, and never really learned how to market myself as a model. I had a very bad breakdown over the weekend (totally unrelated to modeling, but it has an effect on other aspects of my life) and feel that I need to have a different focus for a while.


I love participating in artistic endeavors, but I also want to make more of my own art (don't we all?). 
 I dabble in many different things but never quite get around to mastering any of them. I also form relationships easily but struggle with maintaining them in the long run. As a human I am still very underdeveloped and have much to explore and learn. I relate to my sun sign (the archer) in that I shoot arrows into different directions at ease but hardly strike a target; life to me seems to be all about finding that true aim and focus. But in what? And where? 

My early years in life were very rough. I don't remember much about my childhood (a blessing and a curse). In the nicest terms possible, I was neglected at a very basic level. I lacked some opportunities and so am very glad to get this one.

Some of you may know that I'm planning on being in Monterey for a good chunk of this month (!), but may not know why. I'm trying to find a path for my future that will be fulfilling for me, and I believe I may have found something, or something that will lead to what I'm searching for. I'll be in Monterey for a science illustration class offered at the CSU there. I'm very nervous and excited. Depending on how this trip (class) goes, I may have to shift my focus again. It feels very good to be gaining some momentum now...finally. Slowly, quietly... I'm ready.

In the mean time, trying to find work in Monterey area has been a royal pain. I think that might be another cause of my exasperation with modeling at the moment. But I'm trying to stay positive and heck, if I don't make working work while I'm there I might as well enjoy the scenery :]


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