Thursday, April 2, 2015

Why "Mauvais"?

Ahhhh helllooo. It's been quite some time since I wrote here! *brushes off dust* 

Photo by Randall Hobbet, 2015.


In the midst of my moving to for school and trying to relearn how to balance life and academics, I've finally come to be at more peace with myself it seems lately. While the demands of school this first semester are not what I'd hoped and I haven't really made friends out here yet, and all sorts of other problems, I've been continuing to try to do the things I want and have to do; art, modeling and schoolwork. Somehow at some point something just clicked and I felt okay. I was pretty depressed before, or in a funk...while I can't say for sure if that's over with, or just blown away for now, it is a relief to struggle a little less these days. 

I continue to model where/when I can and had the thought a while ago when out on my last photo shoot (image above : BUT what an amazing last shoot it was! It even ended on a funny note....
no pun intended! see below), that I should write something about my modeling name, or title.

While at first I used my true name for modeling (and still do at times, but not for online images), it seemed that it was wiser to use a fake name. I have never been one to get too creative with names, but I wanted something that resonated with me. This word "Mauvais" came to mind. Now, back in the days of my teenage youth, I was (and still am, just slightly less so :P) ever obsessed with werewolves. There used to be this online virtual/visual chat room that I liked to frequent; I named my werewolf, Mauvais. Why? I thought it just looked cool and sounded neat. But somehow, that title has stuck with me. If you look at the definition of "mauvais" and how it's used, you get things like: horrible, poor, cheap, terrible, bad, flawed, wrong, difficult, incompetent, difficult, nasty, and vicious. So obviously this word is really kind of a negative word...so why would I choose it to represent me?

I realized that a large part of my existence so far has been based in a dual world of tensions and oppositions, and striving to balance the good and bad aspects of my personality. It's something that I (ironically) both love and hate about me - this narcissist kind of preoccupation with myself and my
inner struggles. But all in all I find the word fascinating and beautiful to behold, which I think I can say are similar qualities that others that I model for would say of me. So, even this shadow creates a lovely shape that does resonate with me, and makes me quite pleased to pair it with images of me, since I like to think of myself more as a concept, or an idea, rather than a definitive thing in my modeling - which is a large part of modeling anyway. I don't know if anyone else is following at this point, but I love the little circles that dance in my mind over things such as this, and when it all settles into place and forms meaning, I feel blissfully contented :]

And with that being said, I'll move on to other adventures to soon write of ♥


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