Thoughts

Photo by John Carman, September 2012

Been a busy model. 

I've had some interesting sessions lately. I had a trade shoot recently from a photographer who's work I liked initially, and who took photos I greatly enjoyed, and then was disappointed when given the final edits. I  hate overly photo-shopped images. Lucklily there were a few (such as the one above) that were acceptable in my taste as far as the editing, though I still have issues with the framing of the photo and my pose.

In the meantime, more figure drawing modeling. I take pride in the fact that I can sit or stand still for long(ish?) periods of time. I don't know if that's something to be proud of, but...I feel that I do a fairly good job at it. Or so I've been told.

 Some things I was pondering/realizing when I was modeling this week were:

- All drawing, especially figure drawing (as this was what was on my mind), is basically a long-lived tradition that has been passed down to me from my fine art predecessors. I feel humbled that people long before my time have figured this whole thing out to a science and continued to share it with others throughout history and time...all until now! I am still trying to figure out this whole drawing thing, and also this whole figure modeling thing. It's really fascinating...this realization just put me in a place of awe and made me see again, how much modeling makes me feel happy and accomplished.

- Modeling is important to me for many reasons (aesthetics, self-maintenance/care, giving back to artists, helping others, getting over insecurities to name a few), but the most unthought of reason (up until recently) is the self-control aspect.

I sometimes think of myself as a potential addict on the verge. I have struggled before with what society would consider addiction, and with what others might consider impulse control issues, and not sticking to my own plans or goals. I admit to being easily distracted and to not being firm with myself. I've gotten better, but this still flares up often enough for me to see that I might enjoy modeling because it forces me to take complete control of myself. I choose a pose, and stick to it. Modeling makes me feel more dedicated.  Once I take that pose, there is no going back (especially with my figure drawing modeling); only making that moment last. It's up to me to make that happen with as much poise and purpose as possible. I am a frozen moment in time, a memory, a dream, a wish. It think it's good for me to do this, personally, as a form of self-discipline.

On that note, it's interesting to me how much of 'humanity' is about being able to control our instincts, or to overcome our animal impulses. This is the very basis of my being...the whole sense of duality we struggle with and thrive in...and on that note, I'll end so that I don't end up rambling nonsense all over the page.

:P

Cut

Photo by Daniel, September 2012

Had an intoxicating shoot the other night.

I was struck by how quiet the photographer was. My only issue with silence is that I begin to question if I am doing anything 'right', and find myself becoming stiff or even balking. Funny, I've been modeling 'officially' for like a year and I am still so insecure. (rhyme points anyone?) But it was a good shoot. I am eagerly waiting more photos. 

The next day after the shoot I had my drawing class. I even got to model for my classmates for about 8 minutes :P (clothed...it felt more strange to be to be modeling clothed on the model stand than not). The next student who was to model after me stood on the stand, not knowing what to do with herself. So I suggested a pose. My instructor said enthusiastically, "Oh! You must know a lot about modeling!"

Hahaha (no, he does not know that I actually model).

I love working with photographers who work with film. (While the above photo is digital, Daniel also took film photos.) I also got a few more shots from Steve Gatlin from our last night shoot in my area. Here is one...

It's more difficult to pose on a bench in near pitch dark than one would think. Yes, that is the full moon. I want to do more full moon night shoots...it's the werewolf inside me. Ahhhwooooooo!