Thoughts

Photo by John Carman, September 2012

Been a busy model. 

I've had some interesting sessions lately. I had a trade shoot recently from a photographer who's work I liked initially, and who took photos I greatly enjoyed, and then was disappointed when given the final edits. I  hate overly photo-shopped images. Lucklily there were a few (such as the one above) that were acceptable in my taste as far as the editing, though I still have issues with the framing of the photo and my pose.

In the meantime, more figure drawing modeling. I take pride in the fact that I can sit or stand still for long(ish?) periods of time. I don't know if that's something to be proud of, but...I feel that I do a fairly good job at it. Or so I've been told.

 Some things I was pondering/realizing when I was modeling this week were:

- All drawing, especially figure drawing (as this was what was on my mind), is basically a long-lived tradition that has been passed down to me from my fine art predecessors. I feel humbled that people long before my time have figured this whole thing out to a science and continued to share it with others throughout history and time...all until now! I am still trying to figure out this whole drawing thing, and also this whole figure modeling thing. It's really fascinating...this realization just put me in a place of awe and made me see again, how much modeling makes me feel happy and accomplished.

- Modeling is important to me for many reasons (aesthetics, self-maintenance/care, giving back to artists, helping others, getting over insecurities to name a few), but the most unthought of reason (up until recently) is the self-control aspect.

I sometimes think of myself as a potential addict on the verge. I have struggled before with what society would consider addiction, and with what others might consider impulse control issues, and not sticking to my own plans or goals. I admit to being easily distracted and to not being firm with myself. I've gotten better, but this still flares up often enough for me to see that I might enjoy modeling because it forces me to take complete control of myself. I choose a pose, and stick to it. Modeling makes me feel more dedicated.  Once I take that pose, there is no going back (especially with my figure drawing modeling); only making that moment last. It's up to me to make that happen with as much poise and purpose as possible. I am a frozen moment in time, a memory, a dream, a wish. It think it's good for me to do this, personally, as a form of self-discipline.

On that note, it's interesting to me how much of 'humanity' is about being able to control our instincts, or to overcome our animal impulses. This is the very basis of my being...the whole sense of duality we struggle with and thrive in...and on that note, I'll end so that I don't end up rambling nonsense all over the page.

:P