Sunday, July 17, 2016

Explorations - Summer update

Photos shot by Spencer, edited by me.

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

Summer is well under way, and sadly to say my modeling adventures are far and few between. I've only had two shoots this season! My banking account is sad and I am sad that I am not a better business woman. But nonetheless, I continue to go out and about my days, work when I can, study often, and try to plan trips...I'll be back in school mid-August, so I'm trying to soak up as much free time until then to do what I want to do and see who I want to see. I am looking forward to the semester starting up again, at least, in theory.

I recently returned from the Oregon Shapespeare Festival (never fails to impress!), got to explore some stellar abandoned haunts, and a wonderful bodyscape shoot with a photographer whom I haven't worked with in 4 years! Man does time fly...

All these photos were shot by me :]

I am eager to do more photoshoots, but I am not sure many others are as eager. Summer is a difficult time. I've been drawing plenty, which has been a great tradeoff from modeling for drawing groups. I really do enjoy both sides of the easel :] I've always tried to keep my personal artwork and modeling artwork separate, but wondering if it's time to merge the two, or at least be more revealing in what I do. As a fine artist, I have not received any commissions or sold any work, and it occurred to me that there may be people for whom I've modeled for who might want a token from me. If you are reading this and the thought interests you, do email me and let me know! 

Until then, I'll be off and trying to be productive [:

Sunday, May 1, 2016


What is it? How do you find and keep it?

I've been contemplating this a lot recently, and it's a hard thing for me to answer, honestly. I feel connected with everyone and everything or nothing and no one all within a day's span. Or maybe I think I'm connected, but it's in vain. I have struggled with forming and keeping meaningful relationships in my life, especially with family and close friends - and we all know that these are the relationships that help us, guide us, shape us, and drive us the most...even to form relationship with ourself, and with others ouside of the family/close friend realm.

So, readers, send me your thoughts - what activities, beliefs, habits, people, places, things make you feel connected to (this is up you, but I'm thinking connected to yourself at the very innermost core)?
What motivates you to stay connected to this source? How do you maintain this connection?

I've always felt, for example, a connection to fine art - drawing and painting - but either my duty as a student or my decision to act as a model have all influenced this connection (or have they?) and I find myself doubting myself all. the. time. Maybe that doesn't much to do with how I connect to myself, but my sense is that my sense of connection with myself is pretty fucked/broken/whatever. So I'd love to hear what others think about this. 

Feel free to comment here or email me directly at

I may have discovered the beginnings of what may become the content of my BFA thesis....


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

We've all got Questions. But I have some Answers.

Today I'd like to highlight the many questions I am frequently asked as a model, an artist, and an individual. I think it's fascinating to consider the reasons why people ask me these questions - sometimes, I think they are genuinely interested in getting to know me. Other times I get the impression they want to feel that they are right about an observation about me or they ask me something they hope they had the feeling they knew the answer to. And yet other times, people are maybe just unobservant, maybe don't realize they are asking something potentially intrusive, or they are just wanting to strike up conversation. I am not always so easily offended.

In general, I enjoy interacting with people, regardless of race, gender, sex, disability/metal capacity, sobriety, age, socioeconomic status, experience...because I am mostly an extrovert, and I desire interaction with people on a daily basis, to feel charged and to gain understanding of the world around me and myself (but I am also almost equally introverted - I require alone, focused time to concentrate on reflection and projects that I feel I have my whole hand in). But sometimes, let's all just admit it - people ask you the same questions everyone else does, and it can get repetitive. This is not to say I'm bitter about it - but I have collected some of these questions, and should you chose to read them, will be all the more informed should we meet, and might not need to ask them!
(these are in no particular order, but by memory, so perhaps there is some weight to the questions most often asked and those I remember):

Q: Are you a dancer?
A: Technically, no. I never really know how to answer this in person, but on my blog I can easily write: I took 2 years of ballet in community college & I never got to pointe. I took modern, jazz, and ballet in high school as well, but did not keep up the practice. I enjoy dancing: I spent many years and nights going out dancing (not formally of course) and I do continue to dance with hula hoops. But no, I'm not a trained dancer. 
Q:  What does your tattoo mean/What is your tattoo?
A: I got my tattoo when I was 19 years old. It is a monster inspired by Hieronymus Bosch, a per-Reinassance painter from the Netherlands, whose work I always loved for it's strangeness. At the time I had just completed my drug-diversion program resulting in my (only) arrest charge erased from my record. I finally saw first hand how my overuse of ecstasy pills affected me and my life and was feeling that I had actually recovered - this inspired me to make a physical record of this, by means of a tattoo. I chose a monster by HB because his work fascinated me (this was the piece I took my monster from: ). But I drew my own interpretation of his monster so that it felt like mine.  Why a monster? Well, at the time I felt that I had overcome or faced many monsters of mine - insecurities, troubles from the past, etc. - and wanted to remind myself that though that Monster was Behind me, it was always a Part of Me, and I wanted to own that in order to accept it. Of course, the meaning behind my tattoo and whether or not I still like that I chose to get one is in flux, but that is the basic foundation & I believe the purpose of tattoos is to continually change. Which is what makes them beautiful.

Q: Are you Jewish?
A: No - though I may appear so (I guess it's the nose and curly hair?) I don't have any ounce of it in me. I do not practice it as a religion.
 Q: What kind of art do you do?
A: I primarily draw and paint. I have some proficiency in 2D mediums such as oil paint, watercolor, gouache, charcoal, and graphite. I prefer to work in traditional mediums such as these. My favorite subjects are people and animals.
Q: Do you model full time?
A: No. I have limited time for modeling because of school. Even when I wasn't in school full time, I had a part time job and between a long-distance relationship, trying to do my own artwork and other life-related things, I have a hard time making modeling a priority. Side note - this is why I do not charge professional model rates. 

Q: You are over 21, right?
A: Yes........

Q: Are you a vegetarian?
A: No (I used to get this question more often when I was thinner, rarely these days). I used to be, but have returned to the dark side because I was sick of feeling sick all the time. 
Q: Do your parents/family know that you are a nude model? 
A: Thankfully, yes. I am happy that I don't have to hide this part of my life from them. They don't seem to be bothered by it, they just want me to be safe. However, I do not share with them my modeling alias, photos, etc. I try to keep my personal life pretty separate from my model life. 

Q: Does your hair that?
A: Yes, my hair dries in curls quite naturally. I do have to put some effort into making them look good, and this requires time and proper products and water...and plenty of drying time. I wish my hair wasn't so high maintenance. 

Q: Do you ever shave (you know, the naughty bits)?
A: No. I see no reason to do this, as my hair will grow back in a matter of days with a vengeance and I'd rather not spend the money on that many new razor blades each month (honestly, the only times I shave legs, armpits,etc are right before a shoot or when I feel like it, it's not regularly up kept). I used to have a "landing strip" but I gave up on that because well, I have some residual insecurities about my vulva shape and so I'd prefer to keep it as covered as possible. I do use clippers and at times it is shorter and more trim than others, but no, I will not and do not shave my pubic region for shoots.

Q: Would you ever shave (for whatever project)?
A: As mentioned 
Q: Have you lived in California your whole life?
A: Yes! I was born in Oakland and grew up in San Leandro & Walnut Creek. I adore the Bay Area - I'd love to travel more, but I am proud to call this place home. 
Q: Would you be open to a girl on girl shoot?
A: Always! I don't long as they are comfortable too!

Q: Have you ever been to Burning Man?
A: No, sadly. Someday when I can afford the damn thing...

Q: What's your favorite kind of music?
A: I never know how to answer this. It's true that no one feels completely comfortable with answering this question - for the fear of judgement...right? Well, what I typically say is "electronic music" but that's a very vague reply. I am open to all genres of music (not drawn to some styles of rap or country to be honest), but on my own I am most drawn to sort of chill ambient, down-tempo, dance music, trance, house, or mixes of electronic genres that I really don't know how to categorize. Some favorite groups/DJs include: Tycho, Emancipator, Nicolas Jaar, Bonobo, Cocorosie, Apparat, Baths, Bluetech, Lusine, Glass Animals, Four Tet, Ratatat, Justin Martin, Alex Zelenka ..........the list goes on. But remember, this is what I listen to on my own, and I think it's because it's like, good background music (my favorite times to listen to music are when walking, working out, driving, or painting/drawing. Or drunk laying in bed, haha.) I love to go out dancing, and though I haven't been to Burning Man, there are other music festivals I attend.
That's all folks. Feel free to reply with further questions or comments <3

Monday, February 1, 2016

An Update.

What's up in the Mauvais Art Model woooorrrrrrld? (haha)
I've had a slow January modeling-wise, but it was still well spent regardless. I am now back in school, and trying to book every damn weekend I can for shoots and modeling for artists. So, keep that in mind if you're a photographer and reading this... :P

I got to model for a long pose full figure drawing, a portrait painting session, and some epic wilderness shoots with my favorite photographer. I got the pleasure of meeting a new model and we worked together which was also quite lovely. I'm looking forward to what February will hold for me modeling-wise. I have reached out to some art schools with no response as of yet but I remain hopeful and in good spirits otherwise (thank goodness!)

Liv Sage & Mauvais, taken by Randall Hobbet Jan. 2016.
 (can't wait to see more from this session :))

So now off I go back to working on my own art, since I have been dreadfully stagnant in my personal creative flow. I'm finally out of the Hating Myself For Not Doing Art stage, but if I wait much longer to get things rolling, I will fall right back into that trap. Modeling helps me stay afloat, but in the end what it is that I want to be doing more is my own thing, and right now I am more committed to modeling, which is great for everyone else, but not (No, this is not me saying that I will cease modeling. It is my job and a passion of mine and I am still committed to it. No burn out yet! :P)

With love,

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Photoshoot Ideas

Finally, something inside me has clicked, and I have vague (at least they’re existent) ideas for some cool photoshoots.
- anything with colored gel lights, I’ve shot with these like once before and the effects and emphasis on form were so great, I was surprised no one else bothers to try it out. I feel like figurative work would be best for this, in a studio setting (obviously).
- Human Zen Garden. Know of a sandbox somewhere (safely secluded ideally) a nude human form (ahem, me?) could sprawl, crawl, drag herself along, and potentially create some neat trails at the same time? Better yet, someone needs to build a set for this.
- jewelry craziness, because really, I just want to put on too much jewelry and see what happens.
 - black lights, shiny stuff, and iridescent body paint
- climbing trees with really long crazy dress with a long train (wedding dress?)
that’s it for now.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Self Portraits of Strange

Well, this post is a bit more revealing in some ways than my typical content here. I'm including some self-portraits that I've taken and edited myself. Even though I'm not a photographer, I do think it is important to have basic knowledge of shooting manually in a camera. I don't do any edits that are super drastic either, as I try to make the photo as best I can in the camera first. Aesthetically I prefer less edited images anyway. 
These series of photos are ones I've taken for photo assignments this semester, but thought they might be worth sharing here. I may model for finances, but I also enjoy the art form, and do think I understand it on a basic level. I have an old camera, but it works for me :] I do wish I had a remote, however, as timing is a drag at times, and can feel limiting to what I'm able to do. I also dream of making some nice enough self portraits to sell as prints sometime. 
 Comments, suggestions, advice, always appreciated, unless of course it's rude AF :P
Enjoy! Or not, that's okay.

All photos are mine!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Blog Bloggity

Photo: John Goyer, 2014.

School goes on, life goes on...the blog gets ignored. So sorry, blog *pets*. I'm pulling myself out of a rut, and trying to make small improvements in my life (one week and two days of no drinking, go me. Going until my birthday.) School feels like a barrier. But I continue because of my goals, despite them slipping farther away... And modeling has been damn near nonexistent lately - not sure if that's good or not (well, it's not). But I'm just taking things as they come, or go. I'm in a weird place these days. But it's not necessarily bad. 

November is here, and it's my favorite month of the year! Besides the fact that my birthday is this month (psst...the 24th), November is a lovely word attached to a lovely season. Fall peaks in this month, and here in San Jose I am starting to see fog, rain, colored leaves and clouds breaking the sky during sunset. It's glorious, mostly because it's fleeting. Autumn always brings to mind the lovely colors of dying trees and foliage everywhere (sickly, I know...), harvest moons, foggy nights and bonfires. In past years (since I was 19 or 20) I've celebrated my birthday with friends by a large bonfire, fire-spinning included, with warm beverages, conversation and music. I'm not sure how I'll spend my birthday this year - sitting in classes, I guess.  I'll  fondly remember those more fun birthdays :P

In  my "inner world", as my dear friend Will would call it, reside anxiety nightmares, practicing "not giving any fucks" (as I would call it), preparing for the holi-daze, and trying to be more positive. I need to add "MAKE MORE ART" to this list, because ironically, I have made basically diddlysquat this semester, and I'm an art major -________-

As a side note about artists - I believe strongly that no artist should go unpaid. Exposure does not count as payment. It takes tremendous amounts of time to create a finished artwork (for the sake of what I'm thinking, it's traditional arts like painting and sculpture). This is why I struggle with creating artwork for people I love as gifts - it takes so much time, and I never really know if they'll even like it in the end, or if they'll bury it in their closets. But that being said, when an exchange is involved with someone who wants what you are making for them, it goes so much better! I have not finished a commission because the person ended up not paying me - but it had so much more of a firey start. It's funny how these things work. Sometimes however, I want to make something for someone more than it matters to me whether or not they'll like it or keep it. I guess you could argue that I'm in it to make money - but as with anything, we all have to make money because we all have to live, and art is no exception. I may not be paying bills yet, but I am getting closer, and when that time comes, my time will be just as valuable as anyone else's doing a similar thing.

End rant, byebye blogitty bloggity....

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