School goes on, life goes on...the blog gets ignored. So sorry, blog *pets*. I'm pulling myself out of a rut, and trying to make small improvements in my life (one week and two days of no drinking, go me. Going until my birthday.) School feels like a barrier. But I continue because of my goals, despite them slipping farther away... And modeling has been damn near nonexistent lately - not sure if that's good or not (well, it's not). But I'm just taking things as they come, or go. I'm in a weird place these days. But it's not necessarily bad.
November is here, and it's my favorite month of the year! Besides the fact that my birthday is this month (psst...the 24th), November is a lovely word attached to a lovely season. Fall peaks in this month, and here in San Jose I am starting to see fog, rain, colored leaves and clouds breaking the sky during sunset. It's glorious, mostly because it's fleeting. Autumn always brings to mind the lovely colors of dying trees and foliage everywhere (sickly, I know...), harvest moons, foggy nights and bonfires. In past years (since I was 19 or 20) I've celebrated my birthday with friends by a large bonfire, fire-spinning included, with warm beverages, conversation and music. I'm not sure how I'll spend my birthday this year - sitting in classes, I guess. I'll fondly remember those more fun birthdays :P
In my "inner world", as my dear friend Will would call it, reside anxiety nightmares, practicing "not giving any fucks" (as I would call it), preparing for the holi-daze, and trying to be more positive. I need to add "MAKE MORE ART" to this list, because ironically, I have made basically diddlysquat this semester, and I'm an art major -________-
As a side note about artists - I believe strongly that no artist should go unpaid. Exposure does not count as payment. It takes tremendous amounts of time to create a finished artwork (for the sake of what I'm thinking, it's traditional arts like painting and sculpture). This is why I struggle with creating artwork for people I love as gifts - it takes so much time, and I never really know if they'll even like it in the end, or if they'll bury it in their closets. But that being said, when an exchange is involved with someone who wants what you are making for them, it goes so much better! I have not finished a commission because the person ended up not paying me - but it had so much more of a firey start. It's funny how these things work. Sometimes however, I want to make something for someone more than it matters to me whether or not they'll like it or keep it. I guess you could argue that I'm in it to make money - but as with anything, we all have to make money because we all have to live, and art is no exception. I may not be paying bills yet, but I am getting closer, and when that time comes, my time will be just as valuable as anyone else's doing a similar thing.
End rant, byebye blogitty bloggity....