Thursday, December 3, 2015

Photoshoot Ideas

Finally, something inside me has clicked, and I have vague (at least they’re existent) ideas for some cool photoshoots.
- anything with colored gel lights, I’ve shot with these like once before and the effects and emphasis on form were so great, I was surprised no one else bothers to try it out. I feel like figurative work would be best for this, in a studio setting (obviously).
- Human Zen Garden. Know of a sandbox somewhere (safely secluded ideally) a nude human form (ahem, me?) could sprawl, crawl, drag herself along, and potentially create some neat trails at the same time? Better yet, someone needs to build a set for this.
- jewelry craziness, because really, I just want to put on too much jewelry and see what happens.
 - black lights, shiny stuff, and iridescent body paint
- climbing trees with really long crazy dress with a long train (wedding dress?)
that’s it for now.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Self Portraits of Strange

Well, this post is a bit more revealing in some ways than my typical content here. I'm including some self-portraits that I've taken and edited myself. Even though I'm not a photographer, I do think it is important to have basic knowledge of shooting manually in a camera. I don't do any edits that are super drastic either, as I try to make the photo as best I can in the camera first. Aesthetically I prefer less edited images anyway. 
These series of photos are ones I've taken for photo assignments this semester, but thought they might be worth sharing here. I may model for finances, but I also enjoy the art form, and do think I understand it on a basic level. I have an old camera, but it works for me :] I do wish I had a remote, however, as timing is a drag at times, and can feel limiting to what I'm able to do. I also dream of making some nice enough self portraits to sell as prints sometime. 
 Comments, suggestions, advice, always appreciated, unless of course it's rude AF :P
Enjoy! Or not, that's okay.

All photos are mine!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Blog Bloggity

Photo: John Goyer, 2014.

School goes on, life goes on...the blog gets ignored. So sorry, blog *pets*. I'm pulling myself out of a rut, and trying to make small improvements in my life (one week and two days of no drinking, go me. Going until my birthday.) School feels like a barrier. But I continue because of my goals, despite them slipping farther away... And modeling has been damn near nonexistent lately - not sure if that's good or not (well, it's not). But I'm just taking things as they come, or go. I'm in a weird place these days. But it's not necessarily bad. 

November is here, and it's my favorite month of the year! Besides the fact that my birthday is this month (psst...the 24th), November is a lovely word attached to a lovely season. Fall peaks in this month, and here in San Jose I am starting to see fog, rain, colored leaves and clouds breaking the sky during sunset. It's glorious, mostly because it's fleeting. Autumn always brings to mind the lovely colors of dying trees and foliage everywhere (sickly, I know...), harvest moons, foggy nights and bonfires. In past years (since I was 19 or 20) I've celebrated my birthday with friends by a large bonfire, fire-spinning included, with warm beverages, conversation and music. I'm not sure how I'll spend my birthday this year - sitting in classes, I guess.  I'll  fondly remember those more fun birthdays :P

In  my "inner world", as my dear friend Will would call it, reside anxiety nightmares, practicing "not giving any fucks" (as I would call it), preparing for the holi-daze, and trying to be more positive. I need to add "MAKE MORE ART" to this list, because ironically, I have made basically diddlysquat this semester, and I'm an art major -________-

As a side note about artists - I believe strongly that no artist should go unpaid. Exposure does not count as payment. It takes tremendous amounts of time to create a finished artwork (for the sake of what I'm thinking, it's traditional arts like painting and sculpture). This is why I struggle with creating artwork for people I love as gifts - it takes so much time, and I never really know if they'll even like it in the end, or if they'll bury it in their closets. But that being said, when an exchange is involved with someone who wants what you are making for them, it goes so much better! I have not finished a commission because the person ended up not paying me - but it had so much more of a firey start. It's funny how these things work. Sometimes however, I want to make something for someone more than it matters to me whether or not they'll like it or keep it. I guess you could argue that I'm in it to make money - but as with anything, we all have to make money because we all have to live, and art is no exception. I may not be paying bills yet, but I am getting closer, and when that time comes, my time will be just as valuable as anyone else's doing a similar thing.

End rant, byebye blogitty bloggity....

Monday, September 28, 2015


It was surely a stunning sight, and one I feel fortunate to have been able to see. I was not able to get any decent photos to share, but I'm sure there are plenty out there in case you missed it. 

After I attended Symbiosis last weekend, my world has gotten a little out of hand...sickness followed, and I am behind on schoolwork, feeling fatigued and unmotivated (again). This is a familiar cycle. My whole life is a cycle of hard to break the negativity that prevails at times. How is is that some people have such an endless supply of energy and strength? I'll get there. I just have to try something new for myself, maybe, as my newest acquaintance today seems to have done for himself. Today I had the pleasure to meet and work with John Ligda, an immediately warm and genuine man whom I am glad to have met. Our conversation was not just light and bubbly, but intimate and honest, and for this I am grateful. Part of my never-ending interest in modeling is the connecting to people I meet. I am definitely a people-person, and crave interaction with all kinds of souls from different backgrounds and walks of life. John has inspired me in some ways today with his new and improved outlook on life. Maybe I too can achieve this.

In the four hours of modeling for him I did become quite sore, physically exhausted even, as I am the kind of model that always chooses to push myself as much as I can. As I have just gotten over a nasty cold and fever, it was nice to have the energy to model again. After I returned to my home base at school, I had to collapse for a bit to recollect thoughts and rest. I have some of the drawings John did of me today to share, with his permission. He was certainly an anomaly in terms of the types of artists I typically model for; his work, freely expressive, resembles energy, unseen forces or elements with just a touch of reality to anchor them. Enjoy!

All drawings by John Lidga, 2015.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Not On Top of Things + Rambles

Photos are my own.

So. Since I can't seem to keep up with a regular blog, I have come to peace with the idea of having a semi-regular, or really-un-regular blog. It's just not the strongest strength of mine, to be committed to and dedicated to blogging. BUT, all that being said, I have a new scar (thanks metal-old-fashioned-bathtub that is metal and coated in porcelain and my own stupidity) which is healing up nicely, considering. I've also been enjoying the last few weeks at home, spending time with friends, cooking (awesome, awesome meals, if I don't say so myself!) and hooping. I haven't modeled since mid July (?) and am broke now, but I will start school again very soon, and will recharge all my energy again. I've been in funks and slow-stagnant stages this summer, off and on, and am looking forward to a change of pace and focusing on directing myself (modeling included). I seek to work hard and play hard, and if that's not enough, then I don't know what is.


Saturday, June 6, 2015

Summer Trips

Photo: FotoKammer, 2015

I'm excited to do my first attempt at a short (but sweet!) art model tour in NYC this month. I'm still eagerly searching for work in the area, messaging and emailing extensively, but just glad that I'm going to just get out and go. That's been a very strong urge for me lately, to get out and go. I'm not sure how well I'll do out there, but the opportunity presented itself to me and so I am taking it head on. Even if I can't quite get the amount of work I need to make a tour like this work, at least I'll have new experiences and time with friends. I'll be looking forward to updating here while I'm on my summer modeling trips (there are three lined up so far!) to go over my experiences. That is what this blog is intended for, anyway... 

In just a matter of days I will head into the great Sierras to model, and I'm very much looking forward to it. It will be a small team, one other model and the same photographer who took the image above. We've all worked together before with great results. I couldn't be more grateful for finding people with whom I can continually explore and create with. It's really humbling :] Look for my next update. I'm sure I'll be exhausted but happy.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Why "Mauvais"?

Ahhhh helllooo. It's been quite some time since I wrote here! *brushes off dust* 

Photo by Randall Hobbet, 2015.

In the midst of my moving to for school and trying to relearn how to balance life and academics, I've finally come to be at more peace with myself it seems lately. While the demands of school this first semester are not what I'd hoped and I haven't really made friends out here yet, and all sorts of other problems, I've been continuing to try to do the things I want and have to do; art, modeling and schoolwork. Somehow at some point something just clicked and I felt okay. I was pretty depressed before, or in a funk...while I can't say for sure if that's over with, or just blown away for now, it is a relief to struggle a little less these days. 

I continue to model where/when I can and had the thought a while ago when out on my last photo shoot (image above : BUT what an amazing last shoot it was! It even ended on a funny note....
no pun intended! see below), that I should write something about my modeling name, or title.

While at first I used my true name for modeling (and still do at times, but not for online images), it seemed that it was wiser to use a fake name. I have never been one to get too creative with names, but I wanted something that resonated with me. This word "Mauvais" came to mind. Now, back in the days of my teenage youth, I was (and still am, just slightly less so :P) ever obsessed with werewolves. There used to be this online virtual/visual chat room that I liked to frequent; I named my werewolf, Mauvais. Why? I thought it just looked cool and sounded neat. But somehow, that title has stuck with me. If you look at the definition of "mauvais" and how it's used, you get things like: horrible, poor, cheap, terrible, bad, flawed, wrong, difficult, incompetent, difficult, nasty, and vicious. So obviously this word is really kind of a negative why would I choose it to represent me?

I realized that a large part of my existence so far has been based in a dual world of tensions and oppositions, and striving to balance the good and bad aspects of my personality. It's something that I (ironically) both love and hate about me - this narcissist kind of preoccupation with myself and my
inner struggles. But all in all I find the word fascinating and beautiful to behold, which I think I can say are similar qualities that others that I model for would say of me. So, even this shadow creates a lovely shape that does resonate with me, and makes me quite pleased to pair it with images of me, since I like to think of myself more as a concept, or an idea, rather than a definitive thing in my modeling - which is a large part of modeling anyway. I don't know if anyone else is following at this point, but I love the little circles that dance in my mind over things such as this, and when it all settles into place and forms meaning, I feel blissfully contented :]

And with that being said, I'll move on to other adventures to soon write of ♥

Monday, March 2, 2015

Welp, Blogger Bad News, Tumblr Good News?

UPDATE! Turns out blogger won't change it's settings afterall, so here my writings and photos shall stay, hooray!

 So it turns out Blogger may change it's settings regarding blogs with 'adult content' nude photos. Even though my blog here is  mostly dead I still want to blog for more personal writings about my modeling experiences and other musings. If Blogger no longer supports my blog for the nude images it has on there… I am considering just posting to my Tumblr as my new blog. What do you think? I was intending my Tumblr to be for showcasing my images but I think it might be good to just keep one blog in one place, and if Blogger takes down my blog, then I’ll at least have everything on there.  

In the meantime, enjoy this lovely image the marvelous Tiana Hunter (both a model and emerging photographer of amazing skills) has taken of me, just last month :]

Tiana Hunter, 2015

I am very much looking forward to seeing the rest of the finished images - even just the proofs I saw were stunning, though I'm not sharing any until I have some sort of permission to :P

As a quick pick up to what I've been up to recently: college in San Jose, mood swings, one awesome shoot (see photo below) and some trying to make sure I get out and hang out with people because in all honesty I have been feeling pretty lonely here. It's just a matter of my laziness and bad habits, I think - I've been isolating myself and I know this, but it doesn't make it much easier to change that (though I am trying!). I have a tendency to hide/isolate when I'm going through changes or experiencing hardships. It's likely a coping mechanism I've developed since my youth, as I was a pretty neglected child and in order to survive I had to pretend everything was fine, including myself. On a happier note, things have gotten better, and I am feeling happier. Next I just go out and do things and meet people and make sure I keep up good grades...and proooobbbably not in that order ;]

Tom Miltonberger, 2015

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